Mewtwo's Bad Day
by DeathPaladin
Summary: Mewtwo has a rather bad day when Mew drops by for a visit... Rated for Mewtwo's potty mouth and some ratha disturbin' mental images.


Mewtwo's Bad Day

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon.

Mewtwo enjoyed the quiet.

Every day, right about this time, he liked to stop whatever he was doing and find a quiet place to just sit, relax, and listen to the sounds of nature.

Alas; today it was not to be.

Mewtwo sighed when he sensed a familiar presence approaching.

"Mewtwo-kun!" the annoying, high-pitched voice squealed happily.

The clone didn't look up from his book.

"Go away, Mew."

The pink, cat-like Pokémon pouted.

"Why are you so mean?" she asked sulkily.

"Why are you so annoying?" he shot back.

Mew blinked, genuinely stumped.

"Is that a trick question?" she asked innocently.

"Oh for the love of…" Mewtwo muttered. His stomach rumbled.

Mew pounced on his head.

"I'm booored," she whined. "Let's play!"

"Don't you have other friends to play with? What about Celebi?"

"He's not in this century right now."

"Jirachi?"

"Sleeping, the lazy bum."

"Manaphy?"

"You know I can't swim. Besides, he's with Kyogre, doing some…Prince of the Sea stuff."

"Riolu?" Mewtwo asked desperately.

"Lucario took her on a trip."

"Uxie? Mesprit? Azelf?"

"They're not my friends! They're so high-and-mighty!"

"Anyone?"

"You know…it's like you don't want me around," Mew sniffed.

_'No shit, Sherlock.'_ Mewtwo thought. An idea hit him.

"I know what we can play…Hide-and-Seek."

"Yay!" Mew cheered. "I'll hide! You count to one hundred."

"Okay," Mewtwo replied with a grin.

Mew flew away as Mewtwo began counting, his eyes closed.

"One…"

He opened them a crack.

Mew was nowhere in sight or in range of his telepathic senses.

"Two… Three… Lunch!"

A passing Mankey gave him a look.

"What're you lookin' at, chimp?" Mewtwo demanded, giving a patented Mewtwo Death Glare™, causing the monkey-like critter to spontaneously combust.

The Mankey shook his head and scampered off, smoking.

Mewtwo was heading to the mini-fridge in his den (What, like _the_ most powerful Psychic-type _ever_ can't jury-rig a portable, silent generator? Please, people; give him a little credit!) when Suicune ran up to him.

"Oi! Mewtwo!" she called. "You're needed! The Senior Council of Legends is holding an emergency meeting!"

"Perfect," Mewtwo grumbled. "So much for a peaceful lunch."

He grabbed his cell phone.

Right about then Mew flew in, peeved.

"Were you even _trying_?" she demanded.

"Heck, yeah!" Mewtwo said, face deadpan. "I looked everywhere. You must've hidden really well. I was about to call the police and report you missing," he said, indicating the phone and lying thru his teeth (if Mewtwo has teeth…). Suicune tried not to burst out laughing.

Mew blinked.

"Oh! Okay," she said brightly, smiling happily. "I guess I'll hide again…oh! Hi, Suicune!"

"Hey, Mew. I have to take Mewtwo to an emergency Council meeting. Senior members only, sorry. You can't come this time."

"Why don't you help Mewtwo look for me, then? The game will go a lot faster."

"Sure," Mewtwo said.

"OK," Suicune replied. She liked the little pink kitty-like fuzzball. She was so kawaii…who wouldn't?

Present company excluded, of course.

"Go hide and I'll count," Mewtwo instructed.

"'Kay," Mew chirped, flying away as Mewtwo covered his eyes.

"One… Two… Roast beef!"

Suicune shook her head, holding in her laughter.

"You're despicable," she giggled.

Mewtwo gave her a brief, lopsided smirk-grin.

"I do my best."

Thirty minutes later, Suicune had found Mew after Mewtwo filled his belly and feigned searching also.

"Now, Mew, stay here and be good," Mewtwo admonished.

"Okay!"

"Oh, and please…"

"Yeah?"

"No parties, no playing around with anything that's glowing green or marked 'toxic', 'flammable', 'radioactive,', or 'Danger: Highly Explosive' okay? I _don't_ need a repeat of the Cerulean '04 incident."

"…Fine," Mew muttered, deflated.

"And for the love of Kami-sama, _please_ don't touch anything?"

"You are Mr. No Fun, you know that?"

Mewtwo ignored this and nodded to Suicune.

"Let's go. You know how grumpy our Fearless and Esteemed Leader can get if we're late."

Suicune snorted, nodded and they began walking away.

Suicune was pensive before deciding to go ahead and ask.

"Do I even _want_ to know what the Cerulean '04 incident was?"

Mewtwo shuddered.

"No. Let me put it this way: Male and female Trainers. Two Transform potions. Male and female butt-naked Jynx shaved bald. (O.o) Need I say more?"

Suicune began retching and dashed into the forest. Mewtwo sighed and followed her to find her bashing her head against a confused Steelix.

"You asked," he replied simply.

"Gaaah! Oh Kami, I think I'm scarred for life," she groaned. "I am going to need _SERIOUS_ therapy after _that_ mental image."

"Steel? Lix?" The Steelix cocked its head to one side in confusion.

Mewtwo glanced at it.

"Don't ask. You don't want to know. Sleep," he commanded, flicking his wrist, his eyes glowing. The steel snake-like Pokémon crashed to the ground, snoring.

"Come on."

He turned and continued on their way. Suicune followed, her eye twitching spasmodically.

Mewtwo sighed again; he guessed it was up to him to cheer her up now.

"Hey 'Cune," he said over his shoulder.

"Whaaaat?' she groaned.

He gave her a smirk.

"Race ya."

She grinned back.

"You're on."

"I win."

Suicune glared at the smirking Mewtwo.

"No…fair," she panted. "You used Teleport!"

Mewtwo shrugged.

"I never said I'd play fair."

Raikou guffawed.

"He tricked you again, 'Cune?"

She glared at her elder brother.

"Shut. Up." she growled.

Entei made a point of looking anywhere but at his bickering older brother and kid sister. Articuno, Zapdos, Moltres, Lugia, Ho-Oh, the Regis (Regirock, Regice, Registeel, Regigigas), Latios, Groudon, Kyogre, Rayquaza, Deoxys, Dialga, Palkia, Heatran, Giratina, Cresselia, Darkrai, Shaymin, and Arceus snickered.

"Alright, alright. Can we get started?" Arceus put in.

The others nodded.

"Okay…I officially call this meeting to order. First item of business…the reason we called you here, Mewtwo."

A feeling of dread made its way up the Psychic-type's spine.

"I'm not going to like this, am I?"

"Knowing you…? No. You're not."

"Mewtwo, we're getting…concerned…that Mew isn't capable of raising herself."

Mewtwo cocked an eyebrow.

"You do know she's technically my senior by roughly five or six hundred years."

"Yes, and she still hasn't moved past childhood. We're making you her legal guardian and mentor."

"No, no way in hell, uh-uh, not happening, not on your life, I don't think so, forget it. In that order."

"Why not?"

"Wait. Five…four…three…two…"

There was a resounding explosion that caused the room to shake.

"Right on time."

An Abra warped into the room.

"Excuse the interruption. Mewtwo-sama, we traced the explosion to your cave."

Mewtwo nodded curtly before rising.

"Latios, Deoxys, Kyogre, Ho-Oh, Cresselia…I take it you dropped Jirachi, Latias, Manaphy and Phione, Celebi, and Rotom, Uxie, Mesprit, and Azelf off at my cave with Mew?"

They nodded, their faces going pale.

"Yes, I left Latias in charge to watch them…" Latios said, worried.

"Then you all will want to come with me. I'll show you 'why not'."

"THIS…is why not."

The Senior Council members gaped at the fifty-meter wide, ten-meter deep crater where the cave used to be. A glowing pink orb hovered above a lone spire of earth. The bubble faded to reveal Latias, Jirachi, Manaphy, Phione, Celebi, Rotom, Uxie, Mesprit, and Azelf cowering and trembling in terror…and a very sheepish Mew, blushing so hard her face was a deep scarlet.

"Oops. My bad," she squeaked. "Sorry about the cave, Mewtwo-niisan."

Mewtwo closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Alright, what did you do this time? Play hot potato with the nitroglycerin?"

"Nope."

"Did you mix any chemicals?"

"I don't…think so…"

"Did you try to dig the 'pretty glowing stones' of uranium out of the walls with psychic power again?"

"Uh-uh."

"Then WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?" Mewtwo screamed.

Mew shrank back.

"I tried to find out why they tell you not to microwave tinfoil or metal," she whispered.

"How much did you put in, Mew?"

"Um…well…"

"How. Much?" Mewtwo's voice was low and dangerously calm. The others could feel dangerous intentions radiating off him like gas off of Groudon, Heatran, and Entei after a burrito-eating competition on all-you-can-eat-without-going-Electrode night (don't ask. It is _NOT_ a pretty sight). Everyone knew better than to ask why Mewtwo kept nitroglycerin, dangerously reactive chemicals, or uranium in his cave. Doing so could be…decidedly hazardous to one's health.

"Five sheets of foil, three tin cans, two butter knives…" Latias began.

"And a partridge in a pear tree!" Celebi sang out. Mewtwo slowly turned a murderous gaze to the small Psychic/Grass hybrid.

"Sorry," Celebi squeaked. "Couldn't resist."

"Now you see why. I can't leave her alone for an hour without her causing a localized disaster, and I'm constantly on the move. Aside from the incident I told Suicune about on the way to the meeting…" Everyone looked at Suicune, who covered her eyes with her paws, curled into a ball, and began rocking back and forth and whimpering, "so far she's caused ten thermonuclear explosions, nine critical mass meltdowns, countless rockslides, avalanches, wildfires, and the like…why else do you think I abandoned my vendetta against humans and 'normal' Pokémon? Mew's caused more wide-spread devastation _by accident_ than I ever could!"

"Wouldn't your influence help curb her…disastrous accident-prone…ness?"

"Oh gods, I am surrounded by idiots," Mewtwo muttered. "No, it would not. The only times this happens are when I am forced to leave her by herself when I have to go somewhere, and I _will not_ give up my freedom just so she can 'be raise the right way'. I am a confirmed bachelor. I highly doubt I have the capabilities to care for her on my own anyway, and I am completely unwilling to get married/mated just so she could have a mother figure. That, and I'm stark, raving bonkers after _fifteen minutes_ with her."

"You were insane to begin with," Cresselia muttered.

Mewtwo gave her "the Look".

"Do you want to die or are you just being stupid?" he asked. "No, really. I honestly want to know."

Cresselia yelped and hid behind Darkrai.

Mewtwo heard a sniffle.

_'Here we go,'_ he thought. _'Cue Pinky's water-works.'_

"You…don't like me?" Mew sniffed, tears cascading from her eyes.

_'Noooo! Not the wet, kawaii-style puppy-dog eyes!'_ Mewtwo said to himself desperately. _'Must…resist! Cannot…give…in…! Oh, who am I kidding? Not even Giovanni could resist eyes like that.'_

"No, Mew. I like you," Mewtwo replied, going over to her and hugging her awkwardly. "Just…in smaller doses, okay?"

Mew smiled gratefully and nodded.

"'Kay," she replied.

The others all went "Awww." Mewtwo gave them a look that conveyed 'say that ever again and I swear by all that is holy in this world, I _will_ kill you'.

The others glanced at each other uncomfortably.

"C'mon, Latias. We'd better get home," Latios spoke up.

"Okay, onii-san. 'Bye, Mew!"

"Jirachi, you're looking a little sleepy. I think we'd better get you home," Deoxys said.

"Okay, Dee," Jirachi yawned.

"Well, I'm off," Rotom announced. "I've got mischief to cause in the Old Chateau's TV."

"We'll be heading to Lakes Valor, Acuity, and Verity. See ya around, Mew."

"I'm gone. I have to travel to the 45th century. I'm late for an appointment," Celebi said.

One by one, the others made their excuses and their exits. Finally, it was just Mewtwo and Mew.

"So, where you off to now, Mew?" Mewtwo asked kindly.

"Don't know. Guess I'll find someplace to spend the night," Mew replied.

Mewtwo nodded and began flying away. He stopped and peeked over his shoulder."Well? You coming or not?"

Mew grinned and happily flew after her "big brother".

Mewtwo stared at the stars outside his new cave's entrance. Finally, his time of silence and peace.

_'Well, except for Mew's snoring,'_ he thought, smiling wryly as the small pink cat made a sound between trucks down-shifting on the highway and ten chainsaws going at once. The small Pokémon was curled on a fluffy pillow, deep in slumber. Mewtwo grinned to himself. It had been a rather bad day.

And he truthfully wouldn't have it any other way.

END

AN: The reason the Pokémon mentioned as at Mewtwo's cave when Mew made her blunder aren't part of the "Senior Council" is because they're too "young". They're "Junior Council Trainees". Don't ask why or when they can join the Council; I don't know. I haven't thought up the Council's Rules yet.


End file.
